Why “Just One” So Often Turns Into More
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. And this week, I wanna start off with the famous last words. I'll just have one. Now most people who've had a night that they are not proud of know exactly how it started.
Speaker 1:With that phrase, that plan, with that reasoning right before things went sideways. And the thing is the plan, it usually starts off just fine. That first drink goes exactly how you hoped. You feel good. You feel present.
Speaker 1:You're exactly where you wanted to be by having that drink. And then the night, it ends up somewhere completely different than you planned. Maybe you're not sure how you got there in the moment, and you definitely are questioning how the heck did that happen when you wake up the next morning. And that's what I wanna dig into today because I think that the reason a planned night turns into something completely else is more interesting than most people realize. It's not about willpower.
Speaker 1:It's not about forgetting your plan. It's actually about what drinking does to the brain that's making that next decision. And that's a different kind of problem. And it also has a different kind of solution. So here's what I mean.
Speaker 1:The first drink, it can work just enough to make your brain believe that the next one will work even better. You get that sense of relief, that shift. Maybe you feel more confident, more connection, more of that feeling that you're finally being able to chill out after a long day and your brain actually notices this shift. So when the next drink gets offered, it makes a completely reasonable argument. If one felt good, more will feel better.
Speaker 1:And honestly, sometimes that's true. And for some people, we're talking about maybe it's the second drink that deepens that feeling. For some people, it might be the third. It really depends on a few factors, things like your body, your tolerance, maybe what you ate, and where your mental state is at that time. So I just want to say there's no universal number.
Speaker 1:I might say one and then trying two, but your number might be three or four. It doesn't really matter. Here's what is universal. At some point, that curve going up, feeling good, flips. More stops giving you more of that good feeling and starts moving you somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Maybe you wanted to be more present, now you're less present. Maybe you wanted to feel more you could start off by wanting to be more present and more in connection. Now you're less present, less clear, more foggy. And to no surprise, you might be more likely to say things you didn't plan on. And of course, likely to wake up at 3AM wondering why the night that started so reasonable ended the way it did.
Speaker 1:The tricky part is that the person making the decision in the moment is already inside the feeling, which means they're not always the most reliable judge of where that peak actually is. The plan, it was made from a clear head. However, the next drink, it's being offered to someone who is no longer starting from a neutral place. That's a completely different conversation. This is one reason that moderation can feel so frustrating because the hard part isn't always that first decision whether or not to have a drink.
Speaker 1:Sometimes the hardest part is recognizing that you've already gotten what you came for. So think about a specific kind of night. You're maybe out with your husband or wife. It's the first time maybe in two weeks that you've sat across from each other without the phone going off or some kind of interruption, maybe the kids running around you every couple minutes, and then the drinks come. You actually feel yourself together.
Speaker 1:You've arrived. And the conversation, you guys are just chatting like old times. And you remember why you like this person and enjoy their company because everything has been stripped away. And then the server comes by and that question, hey, you guys want another round? And that question is going to be heard in a different way in your brain than when you made the plan earlier for that night.
Speaker 1:The brain has a very different relationship with that kind of question. Or another example, maybe it's a Tuesday night at home. You close your laptop after a call that ran forty minutes longer. Right? The kids need dinner.
Speaker 1:Your brain is still half in work mode. You open a bottle just to have something in your hand while that pan is heating up. You're getting ready for dinner. Not really a drink, more just a signal to yourself that the day is over. And all of a sudden, that drink worked.
Speaker 1:You crossed the line. You're now from work mode into evening and chill mode. Now the bottle is open. The ritual has already started. And the question really isn't about the drink anymore.
Speaker 1:It's about whether or not you wanna have another drink or whether you just don't want that transition to be over yet because it feels so good. And that distinction matters more than most of us give precedence to because a lot of drinking isn't really about the drink. It's about what the drink represents in that moment. Things like I can stop being responsible for just a minute, moment to myself. I can be less anxious.
Speaker 1:I can turn down all the stress from the day. And there's nothing wrong when noticing that alcohol can create that feeling. And pretending it doesn't is actually not useful advice for somebody trying to build a healthier relationship with it. The more useful question is what happens when that feeling starts to fade? This was the most challenging for me because that's where most people get pulled in.
Speaker 1:Not when alcohol feels bad, but when it actually feels really good. Drinking gives you that feeling, and then your brain, it starts to protect it. It wants to extend it. It wants to upgrade it, And that's when the next drink stops being less of a take it or leave it and more of a sales pitch. It says, this is good.
Speaker 1:Let's keep this going. It says, you're finally relaxed. Why stop now? If you feel your buzz is fading, it says, one more. It's gonna get you right back there.
Speaker 1:But the question is, will it? At some point, the answer is a definite no. But the person being asked that question is the least equipped to see it clearly. That's the question worth sitting with before the next drink. Have I already gotten what I came for, or am I assuming more will make it better?
Speaker 1:And here's the thing. Those aren't actually easy to tell apart, especially in the moment. You may have come for connection, but another drink might make you less present. You may have come for relaxation, but another drink might make your sleep worse and your anxiety higher tomorrow. You may have come for confidence, but another drink might push you past your confidence into carelessness or doing dumb things.
Speaker 1:So the skill isn't hitting a number. The skill is learning to notice where that peak actually is and having the honesty to recognize when you passed it. Most people try to make moderation about a number. Two drinks, three drinks, only on the weekends, no drinking at home. And, yeah, of course, setting your limits, having those drinks, tracking and planning are important, and those rules do help.
Speaker 1:But underneath any rule, there has to be a moment of actual awareness. And asking, did it already do what I wanted it to do? Because if the answer is yes, then stopping where you planned doesn't feel like deprivation. It feels like you had a completion of what you were looking for. It did its job.
Speaker 1:I got that shift and that relaxation, and I enjoyed it. But there's one more step in this that I think a lot of people don't address or talk about. When you stop at that peak time, the buzz, it starts dropping. And that slight downtime, that sense that the night is shifting, that's now a moment that a lot of people cave in because they don't want it to end. Like, you were just there, and now you're not.
Speaker 1:And another drink is sitting just arm's length away that, in that moment, could feel like it could bring you right back there. But once you get to that peak, you're just adding more alcohol into your system that's already gotten there, and now it's coming down. So anything more that you add to it is going to make things go more sideways, more foggy, more sedated, and that further feeling that you're gonna chase it and potentially all night. The thing worth practicing is just knowing that that drop is coming and not treating it like something that you have to address or fix. Just knowing that you already felt the peak, you felt it was good, and now it's moving away.
Speaker 1:And when you can ride that out, when you sit with the come down without chasing it back, something shifts in how you see yourself. You then wake up the next morning knowing that you felt the full arc and you handled it, the come up and the come down, both sides of it. And what that's building is something really important. It's building confidence that you can now trust yourself with having a drink. That's not a small thing.
Speaker 1:And for a lot of people, that's exactly what they've been trying to get back to. So what do you actually do with this? The first thing to know is that the urge to keep going, that has nothing to do with you. That's not a character flaw. It's basically just your brain has found something that felt good, flagged it, and now it's asking for more.
Speaker 1:That is basic reward learning. But that urge after you've had your first drink, or maybe two, is not reliable. And the further you go past your peak, the less reliable it gets. The second thing is about timing. And this is nothing new to anybody here who's been listening or using Sunnyside.
Speaker 1:Make that decision before the feeling. Because once you're in that feeling, you're going to start negotiating. And that version of you already inside the feeling is working with different information and genuinely believes more will be better. So make the decision beforehand. The third is learning to recognize that the urge to keep going is not the same as wanting another drink.
Speaker 1:It might feel like wanting. It presents itself as wanting. But most of the time, it's something closer to not wanting the feeling to end. But what's important is to know that you cannot drink your way into keeping that feeling. You can only drink your way past it.
Speaker 1:So when that urge shows up, try naming what you actually are trying to hold on to. Not I want another drink, but instead, I don't want this feeling to end or I don't really want to go back to how the day felt before I had this drink. And those are real things. And being able to sit with them without reaching for another glass to try and problem solve, that's a whole practice. We're not pretending that the drinks didn't feel good.
Speaker 1:We're not shaming ourselves for wanting that feeling to last. Instead, we're just noticing the moment where more stops giving you more of what you wanted and starts taking you somewhere else. One thing that I'd like to say to myself is less is more. And I don't just mean that with alcohol. In many different places in our life, less is more because our default is usually more is more.
Speaker 1:But stop, assess, and look if that's actually true. Because sometimes the win isn't forcing yourself to stop. It's realizing that the drink already did what you asked it to do. Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me this week.
Speaker 1:If you got anything out of this, please rate and review. Thanks for your emails. I love hearing from you. Mike at Sunnyside dot co. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
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