Why Some Moments Feel Like They Need Alcohol
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. I wanna start off with something that I've been kinda just thinking about, and that is nobody ever really sat me down and taught me what a drink's supposed to mean. But somehow I already know that wine is the end of a hard day. I know that beer is a football game.
Speaker 1:I know that champagne is a celebration. I know that cocktails means it's vacation time. And I also know that a drink in my hand means that I'm relaxed, I'm social, I can be easygoing. That's all included with that drink. Here's the thing is you probably have very similar identifications as well.
Speaker 1:You learned all of this probably without anyone ever saying a word. And that's because it's just basically everywhere. It's in commercials and weddings. We see it on vacation, in our backyard barbecues. The moment we check into a hotel, there's a bar right there.
Speaker 1:We know that when we get to the airport in that wild, wild west, a drink in the morning or getting on a plane. So if you watch it enough times, your brain basically starts connecting the dots. This is what people do here. This is what this moment calls for, and this is what fun looks like. That actually is separate from a craving.
Speaker 1:That's separate from willpower. That's actually a script. And when I say script, I mean the invisible rules that we inherit about how alcohol belongs in moments and what we think it'll give us once it's there. Basically, sometimes the thing pulling you towards a drink is not the drink. It's the meaning that we were all taught and attached to it.
Speaker 1:And that's not just me theorizing here. There's actual research on how alcohol gets marketed, and I'll give you the short version. The ads, they were never really selling the drink. They were selling what the drink is supposed to mean. So what do I mean by this?
Speaker 1:They don't just sell beer. They sell the game. They don't just sell wine. They sell the exhale at the
Speaker 2:end of the day.
Speaker 1:They don't just sell margaritas. They sell that feeling that, hey, it is vacation mode and it has officially begun. And when those messages get repeated enough, they stop feeling like advertising and they start feeling like culture. And culture, repeated enough, starts feeling like reality. It feels like the truth.
Speaker 1:And that's how the script gets written. Not all at once, but instead line by line, scene by scene. And if you don't see the script, then you're gonna think that urge is just you. You think, why do I want wine at the end of the day? Why does a beach vacation feel incomplete without that corona or that margarita in my hand?
Speaker 1:Makes me wonder. Why does football feel like it needs beer? Why do I feel weird at a party without something in my hand? Now here's where I wanna slow down. Because when we think of where did we learn these things, people often hear this and immediately go to the source of most of our learning and that is our parents.
Speaker 1:But you might be surprised. Mine, for example, my parents didn't drink rarely, and I actually don't have any memories of my dad ever drinking a beer. It came more from the background of my adolescence in the movies, seeing kids with red cups over the big screen. It came from the ads. It came from seeing older people partying and then moving into college party days myself.
Speaker 1:These were all versions of adulthood that I thought I was supposed to grow into. I didn't really need somebody in my house pouring a drink every night to learn that script. Culture did a pretty good job on its own. And at this point, I invite you to look back on your own history because I think this part is worth sitting with for a second or a couple minutes. Because a lot of this actually isn't personal.
Speaker 1:It's not some flaw inside of you. It's not always something that your family did either. It's more like default settings that we grew up around. The programming that everyone in your generation and age was experiencing. You didn't choose your programming.
Speaker 1:You just kind of ran it because it was running on everyone else around you. Now the good news hiding in all of this is defaults they can change. We're actually watching it happen right now. A lot of people are quietly rewriting what normal looks like around alcohol, which means you're not fighting your own nature right now. You have some wind at your back.
Speaker 1:You're just updating something that a lot of people are also updating at the same time. Okay. So once you see that this meaning got handed to you in a meaningful way, that you didn't just sit down and invent it yourself, there's a difference between wanting the drink and wanting the role that the drink has been playing. Now I've said this before and I'll say it again. Some wants are personal and some wants, they're inherited.
Speaker 1:A personal want is I've actually thought about this. I want this drink and it fits the night I want to have. An inherited want is different. This is when the moment tells you what you're supposed to want before you even check-in with yourself. It's Friday.
Speaker 1:Let's cut loose. It's party time. It's football. We're doing beers. It's vacation.
Speaker 1:Here's your complimentary drink, sir, for checking in. Now that doesn't make us weak. It means that the script is basically doing exactly what the script's supposed to do. Now once you notice that difference, you can start to look at things differently too. Not in a bad way, not like I can't have that kind of way, but we're going to remove it in that automatic way that we always talk about here, bringing mindfulness.
Speaker 1:And you can see a little bit of daylight between that moment and the story that you've attached to it. So the moment is usually real. The meaning is often inherited. A beach is real. Rest is real.
Speaker 1:Sunsets are real. But the idea that the beach chair is incomplete or it's not picture perfect without a Corona next to the beach chair or a margarita in your hand, that's more of a script. Football's real. Friendship's real. Hanging out with your friends is real.
Speaker 1:But the idea that it's not a real football party without beer, that's more of a script also. And another one, the end of a long day, it's real. You're real tired. Wanting relief, that's also real. But the idea that wine is the reward for surviving life that day, that might be a script.
Speaker 1:And see, the thing is changing your drinking can feel more emotional than people can expect. On the surface, it looks like maybe you're just removing or limiting something, but it can feel like you're removing celebration, your ease after a long day, your connection with friends, or that person that you thought you were in certain rooms. So this was never really about discipline, however. It's more about meaning. And I wanna be clear about one thing.
Speaker 1:This is not about becoming someone who never celebrates, never relaxes, never has fun. I get it. That's a real fear, but that's not what this is about. This is about separating what you actually want from alcohol and the script sitting on top of it. Celebration is real.
Speaker 1:Connection is real. Relief is real. Fun is real. The drink is just one version of how you learn to reach them. So here's the thing I want you to try this week.
Speaker 1:Don't analyze, of course, your whole relationship with alcohol. Don't try and solve every single situation. Just pick one moment where alcohol feels like it belongs. It could be a Friday night. It could be we have summer now, going to a barbecue, sitting down after work, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Maybe you're going on vacation.
Speaker 2:I know a lot of
Speaker 1:people are doing that. Now ask one question. Who or what taught me that this moment needed a drink? That's it. And then really listen to that answer.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's I saw this in my house growing up. Maybe it's the opposite like me, and it came from everywhere else but the home. Maybe it's just what your friends do. Maybe it's what adulthood looked like when you were growing up on TV. Maybe this is how I learned how to feel fun or calm or like I belonged.
Speaker 1:Once you can see where that script comes from, you get to ask a second question. And that is, do I still believe it? Do I still believe that dinner needs wine to be complete? Do I still believe that I need a beer to enjoy the game? Do I still believe vacation hasn't started until the drink is in my hands?
Speaker 1:Now you don't have to answer this perfectly black and white. You don't have to change anything actually at this point. It's just gonna put a little space between the moment and the story that you have attached to it Because that space is gonna make room for more choice. And once you introduce more choice, you also introduce more opportunities to rewrite that line. Because maybe you might see it, hey, you know what?
Speaker 1:This moment is already good. I don't really need the alcohol to write that script that I've been carrying around. I don't need that corona next to my beach chair for it to be a perfect moment. And when you rewrite that script, it stops feeling like something's missing. It stops feeling like deprivation because you realize you're not taking anything away by rewriting the script.
Speaker 1:You're taking back that you're allowed to celebrate, that you're allowed to relax, that you're allowed to belong in whatever version that you envision leading to you write your own script. You write your own story. Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you got anything out of this, of course, rate and review.
Speaker 1:That really does help the show. So appreciate all of you who have supported the show. Any of you that have listened, getting anything out of this, that would mean the world to me. And of course, send me an email, [email protected]. And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
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