Will I Still Be Fun If I Drink Less?
Hey, everybody. Welcome back to another one of these ten minute Mondays. I wanna start with a story today because this episode is really about one moment, and this story has that moment in it. So last Thanksgiving, I was at a family gathering. And historically, it has a bottomless drink kinda atmosphere.
Speaker 1:They have great food. We have drinks flowing pretty much all afternoon, and nobody's counting. And in past years, I didn't count either. That was just what we did on Thanksgiving. And, yeah, it was fun, but there was a price to pay.
Speaker 1:So this time, I did it differently. I had two drinks before dinner, and that was it. Then I ate, I talked, I laughed, I hung out. And at the end of the night, I called it. The next morning, I got up, I went for a hike, and I remember standing there thinking, this feeling is like a cheat coat because I had the night I always have at Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:I didn't miss anything, but instead of paying for it the whole next day, I was ahead. I was outside. I was clear. I was having a great morning getting exercise. And most of all, I was proud of myself.
Speaker 1:Same celebration with none of the price to pay. So that's what I wanna talk about today. Not whether or not you should drink at social things. It's how to be in those moments and walk out of them as the same person that you walked in. Because here's the thing, alcohol isn't just attached to alcohol.
Speaker 1:It's attached to normal life. This summer, you'll probably have barbecues and pool days. We got football, happy hours, of course, vacations, or maybe just the occasional, hey, you wanna go grab a drink? And that's pretty much how us adults say, wanna go hang out? So when you start changing your drinking, it can feel like you're not just changing your drinking.
Speaker 1:It can feel like you're changing your whole social life. But I wanna take this one more step further. That fear isn't only, will I over drink tonight? There's actually a fear underneath this. Am I gonna still be fun?
Speaker 1:Will I still feel like myself? Are people gonna notice? Do I have to change everything because I'm changing this one thing? And hey, listen, I get that fear because I've had that fear. Because alcohol wasn't just a drink for a lot of us.
Speaker 1:It was part of the fun. It was things like getting ready that first round, getting the night started. Those things are exciting too. Or maybe it was doing a job for you. Maybe it was how you eased into the conversations and relaxed or how you felt yourself, even though you technically weren't yourself, around other people.
Speaker 1:So when you reduce it, that moment can feel weird. It could be like you're doing something with your left hand or, of course, your right hand if you're left handed. And that difference, it gets misread as loss. You think, hey, what I'm doing is boring now. Or even worse, I'm boring.
Speaker 1:But let's go back to my Thanksgiving. I had two drinks instead of who knows how many, and the night was not something I look back on and say, boy, I wish I woulda had more drinks. Listen. The food, it was the same, if not better. The people were still fun.
Speaker 1:We were still laughing. I was still present. The only big change was how I felt at the end of the night and how I felt at seven in the morning the next day. Now let's talk about one more element, the social pressure piece, because I know it's coming. People worry about the comments before they even happen.
Speaker 1:Hey. Why aren't you drinking? Come on. Just have one. And, yeah, occasionally, says stuff like that, and some people go over the line, and guess what?
Speaker 1:They're behind the times. But here's something worth knowing. There's a well known finding in psychology called the spotlight effect. So researchers at Cornell ran a study where they had people walk into a room wearing an embarrassing T shirt. And then they asked them, how many people do you think noticed?
Speaker 1:And the people that wore the shirt guessed about half the room clocked that they were wearing a goofy shirt. But the real number was actually closer to one fourth of those people. So we're constantly overestimating how much attention other people are paying to us. And according to this study, we're off by double. Now I know that was for a t shirt, but that's exactly what's happening with what's in your glass.
Speaker 1:You think everybody might be tracking it, but they're actually thinking about their own drink, their own conversations, their own stuff. Nobody at the barbecue, for example, is gonna be tracking you, auditing you. And in fact, some people might have the exact same inner dialogue that you're having, and you don't even know it. So you don't need a speech. You definitely don't need to explain your entire relationship with alcohol over potato salad.
Speaker 1:A simple, I'm good for now. I'm pacing tonight. I've got an early morning. And to be honest, the less explanatory you make it, the less it becomes a conversation. And if somebody keeps pushing, hey, listen, that is about them and has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1:If your change makes them a little bit uncomfortable, that doesn't mean you have to change your plan or explain it. Okay. Now the center of this episode is the actual moment where nights go off track. It's usually not the first drink or even the second drink. The first or the second drink, it's usually intentional.
Speaker 1:You set your plan. And at Thanksgiving, for example, those two drinks before dinner, they were part of my plan. Part of the arrival, part of catching up and easing in to Thanksgiving. And with that plan, I didn't feel like I was pushing hard through anything. It was just part of me enjoying myself.
Speaker 1:The night usually changes after the next one passed your plan because by that moment, things are already good. You're relaxed. You're having fun. Maybe you're laughing. You're into it.
Speaker 1:And then comes one more. Now that might feel like a tiny decision, but one more is where that momentum in the wrong direction starts. So one more turns one more turns a dinner into a long night. One more turns the game into maybe an all day into the evening drinking session. One more turns Thanksgiving into a rough Friday.
Speaker 1:So the question isn't, can I have one more? Of course, you can have one more. The better question is, will one more actually make this better, or is it just gonna make tomorrow worse? Will my conversations get better? Will the food and the connection get better?
Speaker 1:Will my memory of this event get better? Or am I maybe just trying to extend that moment that already feels good? And that's what I felt and figured out at the dinner table. The night was already there. Another drink really wasn't gonna add anything.
Speaker 1:It was only gonna take away something from me in the morning. And sometimes the best move isn't trying to add to the night. It's just let the knight be good and be okay with that and stop there. And, honestly, it sounds easier than it is, but once you have that, that is a skill. And like any skill, it's a lot easier when you have a plan because the real enemy really is just going in on autopilot or breaking that plan and just throwing the rest of the plan to the wind.
Speaker 1:Because even if you go one over, you have that opportunity to stop there. Now the thing is that most people don't plan to over drink. It's mostly mindless. You know, they find themselves in that moment. Maybe somebody comes by and just hands them another glass.
Speaker 1:And instead of breaking their conversation and putting it down or giving it back, maybe a round gets ordered or you're out longer than you planned. Or maybe just the party is popping. You know, whatever it is, the knight builds this momentum. And before you know it, the knight makes that decision for you. So before you go, decide a few things.
Speaker 1:Am I drinking tonight? How many am I gonna have? What am I starting with? What time am I going to be done? And here's the big one.
Speaker 1:What usually gets me carried away? Sometimes that's a place. Sometimes that's an event. Sometimes that's a person, but know your pattern. But there's one more on that list.
Speaker 1:And some people, it's about trying to keep up with the old version of themselves. And that's a big one. That's one that I wrestled with, trying to basically prove that you're still fun by drinking maybe more and thinking that that's gonna add to more fun. You don't have to perform that old you to prove that you still belong in the room. I was not less fun at Thanksgiving with just two drinks.
Speaker 1:And if I did keep going, nobody was gonna hand me an award for keep going. Now a few simple things that you can do. Most of you probably know this, but just in case you don't, you can eat early. You can start with something nonalcoholic. You can skip rounds and shots when they come.
Speaker 1:You don't have to participate in all of those. You can pick something that you really enjoy, sip it slowly, and you definitely need to mark a stopping point. And know when you're leaving. None of this is complicated. It just basically interrupts the autopilot and brings you more into a mindful state.
Speaker 1:So this week, if you're at poolside or a barbecue or a game or whatever it is, you don't have to decide your whole life and how your social interactions are gonna be different from now on. Just run an experiment once. Go, enjoy it, and when that moment is already good and the next drink shows up, just pause and ask, will one more actually make this better, or will it just make tomorrow worse? Because here's what I can tell you from the other side of it. Walking out of a great night as the same person who walked in and then waking up clear, getting your morning going, that's not missing out.
Speaker 1:That's the cheat code. Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me this week. If you got anything out of this, please rate and review. You know what, hit that subscribe or follow wherever you're also listening.
Speaker 1:And until next time, cheers to your mindful drinking journey.
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